Marrissaverse Stories 2015

Seriously Written Note: To begin with, happy one year anniversary to Post-SCrash Session 3:

Spectators of the Host. Wow, has it been a year already? I still feel in the spirit a bit.

At any rate, here’s a heads up. My supposed sequel to Spectators of the Host, Post-SCrash

Session 4: Parody of a Parade, ended up being a failed project, because I’m not that much of a

visual artist, and a text-only continuation doesn’t quite resonate with me. Of course, this does

not deny what Parody of a Parade had become in its limited lifetime, and if there is ever enough

material to compile a MarrissaTheWriter Complete Anthology: Volume Two, what I have written

of Parody of a Parade will definitely be included.

The real problem that I eventually identified was that of the format that Spectators of the Host

had developed, and how I was trying to go against it in Parody of a Parade. I realized that I miss

my old writing style, in which most nonsensical plot twists would be conveyed in text, as well as

cameos of things that I got into during the time (Gangnam Style, Welcome to Night Vale, the

YouTube educators, Flashlight Girl, and so on and so forth).

Therefore, I’ve decided to instead take the more seasonal and TV show-like approach to the

whole “writing a MarrissaTheWriter story” thing, in which I’ll be churning out 1000-word chapters

that are canon to (my) Marrissaverse à la Spectators of the Host, but they will not be tied into a

single resolving plot (that is, there will be no overarching themes and the entire thing will be

open-ended). However, there will be briefer themes that will encompass several consecutive

chapters, as well as references I never quite got into Spectators of the Host because of its

limited lifetime (Frozen’s Let it Go, PSY’s Gentleman, Skepness Man and Chell Junor’s kids,

Principal Business Lady, etc.)

Originally, I’ve been thinking about a re-write of Spectators of the Host which would try to

incorporate these elements, called Post-SCrash Session 3: A Change on the Tables. It would

have taken off from when Skepkitty was revealed to be a trans guy, and from that point, instead

of introducing Violet Beauregarde, I would have introduced myself as a trans girl (i.e. Principal

Business Lady). But then I realized that I don’t quite want to retcon previous stories that I wrote,

and I simply like the idea of building upon the existing canon and making connections where

there are none.

Therefore, without further ado, I introduce to you:

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 1: Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry and an Old Guest

Hi my name is Chell Junor Roberts. I am the kid of Marrissa Roberts who is the main star of

stories like ITS MY LIFE! and THE MARRISSA GAMES and I highly recommend you read them

if you want to catch up on my amazing ancestry. Of course, I don’t expect that it will become

relevant to my life, as my life is yet to take me through the twisting adventures that everyone

around me seems to be a part of, and therefore I will separately introduce myself.

As I said, I was the kid of Marrissa Roberts and Wheatly born in the time of ITS MY LIFE. I don’t

remember that much of ITS MY LIFE! and THE MARRISSA GAMES since I was still a teeny

weeny baby, but nevertheless, I remember the aftereffects of everything. When I grew up, there

was a thing called the falmer Hunger Games in which all the FALMER TROLLZ were sent to die

Marrissa Roberts took down those and therefore everything seemed to turn out fine in the

future.

That is until I heard of something terrible that devastated my entire being as a robot ball/human

girl. To begin with, this falmer troll bugger called Skepness Man (that would be my loveful

husband Skepness Man Beauregarde, co-CEO of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry) had

disestablished the falmer Hunger Games. Then, when Marrissa Roberts heard about it, she had

disappeared in the past to become Skepness Man’s supposed mother, Violet Beauregarde. Of

course, Wheatly did the best to protect me in my early years and told me that Marrissa became

a goth emo and committed suicide, but I’m glad that I learned the actual truth in one way or

another.

I went to a school in the future that was called the District 12 High School. The District 12 High

School was led by someone named Principal Comcast who was this mean dude who never let

his students have fun. Especially Comcast’s daughter��;��;��/��/H<<@<4.0729169845581055px;height:17.599999999999998px">

become my friend but Principal Comcast would have never let her and therefore she fell into

depression and I had to prevent her from ever attaining the fate of Marrissa.

Eventually though Wheatly decided that I had enough of this and called up to me. About halfway

through my senior year when I already was looking down and contemplating goth emoness he

decided that I needed a proper education. “Daughter I think that for the time being you should

come to the past to attend… PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL!” He said and used a time travel spell

and there were sparkles and I was now living in the past.

In the past in Portal High School this thing happened that you already know of from

Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host which is also an awesome story and I suggest

you read it. But long story short I ended up meeting the true love of my life Skepness Man

Beauregarde and basically just like Elizabeth I had to pull him out of depression and his vicious

cycle of whatever. He still ended up writing Additional Discoveries ��;��;��/��/H<<@<0729169845581055px;height:17.599999999999998px">

didn’t mind that much since I fully expected to become a chronomad like him because it was my

lifelong passion.

However someone I knew was definitely not satisfied with it and was willing to fight me over it. It

was… MY MOTHER MARRISSA ROBERTS WHO WAS REALLY VIOLET BEAUREGARDE!

Marrissa/Violet had a huge distaste in falmer trollz since some of her worst enemies from her

early days when she was still struggling in District 12 and its Hunger Games were falmer trollz

and therefore she definitely didn’t like me going out and getting married and having love times

with Skepness Man who was a falmer troll so we had a big argument.

First of course there was the fight between Marrissa Roberts and GLaDOS in the end of

Spectators of the Host. Then Marrissa ended up handing the company to the fake Violet (the

real Violet Beauregarde who had been made into this parody of herself that didn’t nearly look

like her) and we with Skepness Man immediately realized that the fake Violet was not fit for the

role. Therefore we wanted to argue with ��;��;��/��/H<<@<�she

just spit at me.

This was definitely not nice of my mother so I slapped her right through her face with my

speshul powers. She tried to do the same but seeing as she’s already in her fourties her

speshul powers aren’t nearly as powerful and therefore it ended up just being a regular slap. I

did some more antagonizing with my own speshul powers and when she realized who was the

more powerful being here she simply let me and Skepness Man have Beauregarde Chewing

Gum Industry.

And therefore there we were, five years later in the year Anno Glorii 1985. I had already given

birth to two children that we named Violet Beauregarde Junor and Charlie Roberts after the two

best rivals that we knew (i.e. the original Violet Beauregarde and the other Golden Ticket winner

Charlie Bucket). (P.S. I’m aware that giving birth is the most painful thing ever but luckily I had

my speshul powers and therefore I could take them straight out of my womb without the

contractions or a C-section) They were still a bit small��;��;��/��/H<<@<e-block" style="width:4.0729169845581055px;height:17.599999999999998px">

around Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry and experiment with things in the Invention Room

even though the North Koreans (our designated workers) weren’t as excited.

That was when I received a call from someone else that we had quite forgotten about even

though she was in the same misfortune as us… my descendant Janet Roberts!

TO BE CONTINUED!

Seriously Written Note: So, what do you think?

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 2: Catching Up with Old Friends

I had been at a quite warm relationship with Janet Roberts since she was my descendant and

she continued the Roberts family name so I immediately greeted her with a warm “Hello! So

how are you doing today?” and some people might have actually thought that there was a thing

between us but there wasn’t since I have to remain faithful to Skepness Man.

Instead Janet began “oh we were just looking through some of our old stuff from the last days of

the earth and Roxa and Jack found the time box of the delirious time car” but then Dick

interrupted her. “C’est is," he Sweet Bro and Hella Jeffed "THE FLEX COPSITTER”

"Wait, so is this some sort of elaborate ploy to rebuild your delirious time car?" I wondered

"Don’t you already have, like, two time machines?" and Janet realized "Oh really so that makes

it the third one! Oh woe is us, what are we going to do with three time machines it is clearly too

much power for dorks like us to hold".

But then I knew Skepness Man was somewhere around and he was going to be pissed that I

discussed time machines with him so I had to drop the call. I immediately chatted him up about

some chewing gum inventions or whatever because that is what we do all time. Violet and

Charlie (the kids) had also invented something it was a game of running around the factory and

getting to experience everything and we smiled that we got the two best children that we could

have.

Hey so I’m Janet Roberts and Dick Stiller (whom I had married the other day) had finished

rebuilding the delirious time car so I let my BFFsy in time and classiest ancestor ever Chell

Junor Roberts know. She didn’t quite get it though because she is not that into time travel that is

Marrissa’s job but Marrissa was pretty much a disgrace to the family as of now so whatever ��;��;��/��/H<<@<sp;

can hang out with the siblings that she made up.

Anyway since we rebuilt the car that meant that we have three time machines and that is clearly

too much power for dorks like us to hold (btw Roxa and Jack are also married and in it with us

and we’re this cool band of four people that’s called “the Alpha Kids” I came up with that name

just now) but we didn’t care. That meant that Dick was going to take it for a test ride to go one

minute into the past and ended up one minute in the past because he is better at rebuilding that

car than that stupid guy First Citizen Brown.

Knowing that we high-fived each other and went on to tell Roxa and Jack about it. Roxa and

Jack were usually hanging out with Roxa’s mother Avril Lavigne who is cool and writes goth

emo music that goth emos listen to. Of course no one from our circle of friends wants to be a

goth emo but that’s okay since her music is cool even if you forget the fact that it’s depressing.

Since I didn’t know where Avril Lavigne was at the present time I figured I’d go and ask Principal

Business Lady (but she was in the past so she was still Principal Business Man).

Principal Business Lady was perhaps the best member of the family since she ran Portal High

School and everyone learned in it and we figured that our child Bertha Stiller should go there

once she grows up and all. Of course the principal knew this and was going to get her own

daughter Caroline into the business (geddit) that occurs in Portal High School. But then I figured

that’s enough thinking and actually went there with Dick.

At the time there was another chick in Principal Business Lady’s office called Loreta Alcorn

(she’s a transgender and a friend of Principal Business Lady but her parents are abusive

communists and therefore she killed herself by jumping in front of a tank on January 13, 1991

AG and that’s what made Principal Business Lady come out as a transgender) so we greeted

her with the proper pronouns since we’re not transphobes. Loreta Alcorn smiled knowing that

there is some brightness in her life so we went up to Principal Business Lady and I asked her

“Hey do you know where Avril Lavigne is?”

"Oh yeah she is holding a concert in Welcome to Night Vale and I don’t think you can make it

there what with the strange geometries of everything." I and my Dick thought for some time and

he came up with an idea "hey what if I input a time that doesn’t exist into the delirious time car

like 9999" and we nodded and agreed to do just that. So we sat in and he hit all nines on the

keypad of the time Serkets but turned out that wasn’t a legal time.

I thought for really long and realized that the wrong thing that he was doing was that there is no

99th month nor a 99th day etc. so I read Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History where

Skepness Man Beauregarde (another cool dude and my ancestor since pretty much everyone

here is my ancestor since I’m from the distant future) had explained how he created the

calendar that the delirious time car used and I had a shot at typing the date.

I typed December 30th, 9999 11:59:59 PM and the car finally accepted that and the time box

started glowing. Dick took the car up in the sky and it hit 88 kilometers per hour and we were

gone into some weird desert place. We eventually had a billboard coming up in the sky and we

realized that we hit the goal since the billboard read:

"WELCOME TO NIGHT VALE - You are safe here, and you won’t ever question that fact since

your brain is now twisted and you could not possibly question it within the laws of physics."

TO BE CONTINUED

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 3: Avril’s Concert

Welcome to Night Vale came up fast and we kept going down and landed in the new delirious

time car. Of course Dick Stiller was the amazing pilot and we landed without a scratch and we

could walk in the desert city to locate the concert hall where Avril and Roxa Lavigne were.

But then as we walked we heard a sound overhead. It was a time car but it wasn't the delirious

time car so it wasn't us instead it looked like that stupid thing Skepness Man drove around in

before he gave up being a chronomad. But when it landed right in front of us and prevented us

from walking forward (if we wanted to go around it it would just move in the same direction)

three people stepped out. They were wearing badges that said "time police" and I had

recognized them all since I was around to see them they were... Aranna Sorket, Cranky

Vasquez and Flashlight Girl (except we have learned her name so her name was Joey!)!11!

"What the actual fuck are you thinking traveling through time as recklessly as this!" Aranna

shouted at me. I was extremely confused by this and asked “How did you find us?” while Aranna

shrugged it off “We have spacetime tracking devices so we can precisely track every single time

vehicle that has ever been created in the Marrissaverse and the other universes” as if tracking

things like that was the easiest thing ever.

Meanwhile Cranky picked up a big thick book from the car that was probably a history book

(history books are always big and thick and boring and you shouldn't read them) and was ready

to whack me but Dick took out his laser sword and chopped the book in half. The pages of the

book were flying around everywhere and one of them landed in Flashlight Girl's face so she took

out her laser flashlight and was about to vaporize the page like in a sci-fi movie but then she

realized something.

"HEY ARANNA CRANKY LOOK I FOUND SOMETHING!" she yelled and we all looked at her.

She read and realized "Those aren't Janet and Dick those are really... MEANIE PIXIES AND

MERLIN LEJOIN!" When she said that the most painful transformation began in my head and I

passed out.

Aranna almost had a heart attack at the sight of Meanie and Merlin. Of course Meanie kept

being "hey sup gill" but Aranna was like "I thought I could trust you but then you just... just..."

She was about to go epilepsy like a freaked out woman and Cranky was jotting down notes so

that he could put his history book back really fast (he has learned to��;��;��/��/H<<@<29169845581055px;height:17.599999999999998px">

since he's a historian blah blah I will stop talking about historians now also Microsoft Word says

that I need a closing parenthesis so I’ll put one right now).

So basically Aranna introduced herself to Meanie as the leader of the time police which was an

organization that she invented with Cranky and Joey so that stupid people could not mess with

the time stream. Merlin though was not listening to them and instead sat in the delirious time

car. Even though Aranna was expositioning that did not come past her radar and she went back

to the “putting people to justice mode” and snapped me and my Dick back into this reality with a

few swift words.

As we were back and not that much happened since the delirious time car and the non-delirious

time car were still in the middle of the desert we realized that we still needed to check out Avril

Lavigne’s concert so that we could meet up with Roxa and Jack. Of course then Aranna realized

her mistake but we were already in the delirious time car and she and Cranky and Joey hung

onto one of the hover wheels while my Dick was desperately trying to shake them off.

Welcome to Night Vale Concert Hall came up fast so Dick drove the car just above the roof so

that Aranna and Cranky and Joey crashed into a wall and were struggling to realize where they

are because you don’t know how the geometry of Night Vale works. He finally turned around

and landed right in front of the entrance so we could go in and meet Roxa.

Avril of course was doing her stupid song that no one in their right mind could listen to (looking

at you Marrissa from Chapter 7 of ITS MY LIFE!) and everyone was cheering so we couldn’t

even begin looking for Roxa since we were caught up in the atmosphere and so she sang. After

she finished her song for the next one she brought in Roxa to the studio and from high up above

Roxa noticed us both as well as Jack so she invited us in.

Getting to sing my heart out after so much troubles had happened to me was so happy and we

sang like there was no tomorrow (of course there wasn’t any in Night Vale but you realize the

point). So we sang and the audience cheered because they wanted to get up to the stage as

well but of course Roxa was privileged because she was Avril’s daughter and we were

privileged because we were Roxa’s friends so no spotlight for them.

After the concert overed we were sure to exit first so we could pull the delirious time car away

from the entrance so other people wouldn’t go through and be like WTF. So we went in the car

and flew away and Dick suddenly saw a star in the distance it was… Aranna and co. in their

time car! They were after us in a time car chase so Dick speeded away to 88 kilometers per

hour again so he zapped in time and the time sphere caught Aranna’s car as well so they got

transported too.

TO BE CONTINUED

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 4: Nothing was Recognizable

We arrived at Portal High School not realizing that anything would have happened. After all

that's what time travel was used for: sightseeing and going between places in time the way you

go between places in space. If anyone says anything about a paradox then they're literally not

worth talking about and should be eliminated in some way.

We decided to visit Principal Business Lady since she knows what’s up all the time and helpfully

guided us to AG 1980 the first time. So we went to Portal High School’s building but it turned out

that she wasn’t there. We were instead directed by a teacher that we didn’t recognize to Loreta

Alcorn’s grave.

I was like “what?! Loreta Alcorn isn’t dead! I just saw her yesterday!” but there the grave was.

The original name was completely crossed out since you shouldn’t refer to trans people by their

actual names and instead call them by whatever they came up with and the date was very clear:

she died in 1985, six years earlier. (Business Lady wasn’t there; she was already returning to

Portal High School after having done her mourning)

But then someone came… MCJUGGERNUGGET’S DAD WITH A LAWNMOWER! He wanted

to teach his son a lesson about video games so he drove the lawnmower to the tent where

McJuggerNugget was hiding but Psycho Dad didn’t care about anything and just drove over

Loreta Alcorn’s grave. We narrowly avoided getting mowed over like we were a bunch of video

games and finally realized that this was actually a crazy alternate universe in which nothing is

right like it is in Back to the Future or BioShock Infinite.

Since this was the case it was our job to figure out every little detail that was wrong. At first the

whole "this girl died earlier than she should have and there is now a psycho dad" thing seemed

pretty minor, but then I went back to Portal High School and realized that something was

missing... Skepness Man Beauregarde never graduated from here!

There was no cool photo of him or the wedding so now the jig was seriously up. I (Janet

Roberts) asked Principal Business Lady but she said that she never even kept contact with

Skepness Man ever since their separation. This whole thing was seriously fucked up and we

decided to go back to our home to think this through but you won't guess what surprised us in

this alternate universe the most.

Turned out that... OUR HOUSE FROM THE FUTURE WAS GONE!

Now everything had really gotten out of hand. Since we essentially had no place to live and I'm

pretty sure that we were around in this universe that meant that something crazy had to happen

like someone taking us hostage. Just then I saw Skepness Man and I thought that he could help

us but something was wrong about him he didn't have the cool Beauregarde Chewing Gum

Industry insignia and Chell Junor wasn't by his side.

I shouted "Skepness Man Beauregarde you've gotta help us you have a time machine can you

get us back to our original universe" and he just raised sunglasses. "The fuck is a Beauregarde?

What are you trolling me with? I very clearly work with these two people" and these two people

stepped behind him. They looked like they were from the 19th century and they had as identical

clothes as a man and a woman could have. Those were... Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce! They

kept talking with each other about theories on how we got here and Skepness Man said

"Skepness Man Lettuce, nice to meet you now get out."

Though I wasn't done and I asked just one more question "Hey what about Chell Junor? You

know, Marrissa's daughter?" and he said "As far as I'm concerned, she's hanging out with

Elizabeth Comcast. Hey, by the way, did you know that I'm working with Robot and Roslalonde

Lettuce to get Principal Comcast erased from this universe and with him Elizabeth Comcast

herself?" and I was just like noping the entirety of the way through. Jack London also realized in

shock that if Skepness Man and Chell Junor never got along they won't have kids and since we

were those two distant descendants of their kids we began disappearing in the most painful

shock known to man.

I thought about how everything that I ever did so far was completely pointless and then I

disappeared without a trace. Meanie Pixies and Chronos Ampersand, now somewhere in this

universe probably going on their own adventures, rejoiced and since I was pretty much

nonexistent I wondered nothing.

Hello I'm Roxa Lavigne and I'll be taking the story from there as Janet Roberts and Jack London

disappeared in a paradox and only me and Dick Stiller remained. With them disappearing I

realized that I don't want to spend any longer in this universe and we asked Skepness Man

Lettuce (apparently) for help but he just laughed and put his sunglasses back on and

Just then someone else appeared. She had a flashlight in her hand and I recognized her as

Joey (ps her full name is Joey Claire I just learned that on Tumblr) but she didn't have Aranna

Sorket and Cranky Vasquez by her side. Joey began asking questions about us since she had

read about alternate universes but never experienced one for herself and then I realized the

worst thing of all.

"So you're not a chronomad and can't help us?" I asked and Dick nodded at my question. Joey

then said "What do you mean? Of course I'm not the thing that the Lettuces are! Just trying to

get on their level requires skill beyond that which I, a mere girl with a flashlight, can acquire!"

before someone stepped up to us.

It was...

TO BE CONTINUED

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 5: A Cold Landing, Part 3

It was... MARRISSA ROBERTS BACK IN HER VIOLET BEAUREGARDE ACT! I then came to

realize that since Skepness Man and Chell Junor's wedding never happened there was no epic

reveal like at the end of Spectators of the Host and that meant that Marrissa had never even

quit being Violet so we'll call her Violet from now on.

Violet immediately recognized us. "Hey, Roxa and Dick, I thought you were the perfect heirs for

me!" and I wanted to be like "get Skepness Man instead" but then realized that she never even

got the handle on Skepness Man since he never developed an affection for 1980s Portal High

School before the Lettuces recruited him. This was once again an awful depiction of what we

thought was precious to us but by this point we had learned our lesson and it was time to move

on and let it go (LOL).

We thus instead decided to follow Violet all the way to Tbilisi, Georgia and where the

Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry building was. Dick still remembered the same walk forever

ago from when we first saw her and didn't even know who she was. Then he realized

something, though, and we lost him.

As it turned out he ran to Violet's home because there, behind the "third golden ticket found"

newspaper (placed nearby the newer newspaper about the tour that Violet organized), there

was to be a time clock that Skepness Man used to travel in time. Dick had forgotten, though,

that Skepness Man had never lost the clock in the first place, but then remembered that Violet

had gotten into an alternate universe of her own and therefore HAD a time clock around, so

Dick stole that one and, just to not get noticed, tried to rejoin the group but I and Violet were

already behind the gates of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry and therefore he was trapped.

Violet looked around and decided to teleport Dick to here with her speshul powers and did so

but she only teleported Dick and not the time clock so the time clock got left behind. Then Violet

realized that something was dropped outside the building and picked the time clock up so our

plan was foiled. Since there was no way we were traveling in time to resolve this shit we simply

had to play along and do what Violet expected us to do.

The Chewing Gum Room looked just as nice as when we saw it the first time and we loved the

idea that we essentially get Willy Wanker's factory but instead built around chewing gum. The

North Koreans were friendly as well but then I noticed that someone else was in the factory that

wasn't there originally... Biff Tannen from Back to the Future! "Oh yeah I didn't tell you I am now

married to Biff so if you feel especially belittled you can call me Violet Beauregarde-Tannen"

Violet said and left us behind to deal with the matter ourselves.

We asked North Koreans stuff but they only spoke Korean so we didn't get anything from them.

And yet no other people that we know Violet hangs out with like Sectumsempra Sanpe were

around and on top of it we didn't know who the hell Biff Tannen was. This was truly a terrible

universe to be in and Dick had failed to steal the other time clock so he didn't get anything but

he had forgotten one thing... the delirious time car!

We struggled to get outside the Chewing Gum Room and outside the main Beauregarde

Chewing Gum Industry building but then we realized that we'd have to make a run from Tbilisi,

Georgia to the city of Portal High School and there was no way this was feasible. We could only

hope for the best and expect Principal Business Lady to actually take care of the delirious time

car. Well, we could only hope because we knew Business Lady was cool and not a dumb

FALMER TROLL but then we remembered that he is in Invader Zim: Born Again Christian and

then she would get mad at us because we just called her "he" like all trans people do.

MEANWHILE AT PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL

Principal Business Lady was called to an appointment with Youtubers I don't know like our

homeless man (introduced in Chapter 4) McJuggerNugget and others like Orepros and The

Mining Movies. In her image of Portal High School everyone was a Youtuber and therefore there

was no room for action of us Homestuck characters in there so the relevance of Portal High

School gradually fell.

McJuggerNugget asked Business Lady if he could stay with her but she said the same thing

everyone else said: "Knowing your father, I don't want to become responsible" and The Mining

Movie��;��;��/��/H<<@<t videos never make sense.

There were also other people that were to come like Mr. Stevens from Vsauce but he didn't

come because he didn't want to spend time with dumb people.

That being said, in the conference McJuggerNugget mentioned the delirious time car that is

parked outside Portal High School. Figuring that no one really owns it Business Lady decided to

put him in there and therefore he left the conference and Orepros and The Mining Movies never

really left the camera just panned out and they had disappeared.

Business Lady thus returned to her home to tend to her daughter Caroline who was all growing

up but since she was a young child we wanted nothing from her. Therefore Business Lady's day

pretty much ended and we realized that we shouldn't chase after the delirious time car since

McJuggerNugget probably put up a new tent on it.

but then... MCJUGGERNUGGET'S DAD FOUND OUT! He still had the lawnmover and drove

over the delirious time car and the tent above it and McJuggerNugget had to run for his living.

Now the delirious time car was destroyed once again and our only hope was to get that time

clock since it was the only way.

TO BE CONTINUED

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 6: The Enterprise

We were wondering what to do when Dick (not my Dick because I’m a normal cis girl) realized

that one time clock isn’t going to do any good because there is two of us and we both need to

go back in time to realize what has been fucked up. So we were going to ask Violet to procure

another clock because this was an important mission and she needed to realize that this

universe was all wrong and she was supposed to be Marrissa.

We found Violet in Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry’s studio where she was recording a

music video and the lyrics went something like this:

(I like gum a lot) Hey, nice to see your song but

(I like gum a lot) Hey, I bet I’ll do better

(I like gum a lot) Hey, try to beat this in your time

(I like gum a lot) Hey, it’s not like you can get more time

And we realized that this song that that exact same style as Wanker’s song about Violet five

years earlier but that song mentioned Skepness Man. When Violet elaborated she said that

indeed that song was in a halt because Wanker and co. needed filling in that verse because

there was nothing to sing about (we told her nothing about Skepness Man to not mess up the

time stream) and they ran into production troubles and now she’s running into production

troubles as well.

Just then something stupendously large interrupted us. It was a spaceship like the Enterprise

from Star Trek and it was the size of the entire city of Tbilisi, Georgia and it made a literal

shadow which the natives saw and freaked out. The spaceship turned around so that its front

end faced Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry and we could see the front door through the

window but the spaceship was literally so big that the other end was in the city of Portal High

School and people there were freaking out. Principal Business Lady heroically shot the other

end but then the spaceship’s pilot turned the ship so that the other end was no longer in the city

of Portal High School and instead it plummeted into the Indian Ocean.

Then finally once the pilot had done the maneuvering which we could clearly see from the studio

she broke the window of the Enterprise and the window of the studio and came in. “Well well

well we finally meet” she said. It was… THE ORIGINAL MARRISSA PICARD FROM THE

STEPHEN RATLIFF STORIES! [From now on in these excerpts she is going to be Marrissa

while Violet will be Violet so to not confuse them]

Marrissa Picard looked over the stupid studio and laughed because where she comes from (AN

I’ve never seen Star Trek so I’m mostly guessing) if you don’t own anything big then you are

nothing. Of course Marrissa didn’t realize that Violet’s company had interuniversal span and

even people from Calliope’s Update Girl buy Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry candy even

though she prints on the candy to not distribute it outside the Marrissaverse (that is, OUR

Marrissaverse, and not the one Marrissa Picard comes from).

“Alright we will have a showdown right here and right now” Marrissa announced and I had read

ITS MY LIFE! so I was like “no watch out Violet will kick your ass as she kicked Assirram’s” and

Marrissa of course realized that Assirram is basically her own name spelled backwards and

therefore a form of her must exist in the universe. But then she also read ITS MY LIFE! and

realized that Assirram was OUR Marrissa’s (Violet’s) evil twin and so Marrissa backed away

since she knew that if Violet can beat someone who is identical to her then she can also beat

Marrissa to Android Hell.

Marrissa then realized that we were strange interlopers and her giant spaceship was also a time

machine and so she could bring us to the past to figure out what’s wrong. She kindly let us into

the Enterprise and we were stunned by how much stuff was there. There was practically a

whole city bustling and it was basically what Aranna, Cranky and Joey were doing turned up to

over eleven thousand 420 every day Illuminati confirmed. We met famous captains who were

age and got full control of the Enterprise and she was essentially the queen.

She showed us the main deck of the Enterprise. There were way too many buttons and she

pressed one and the broken window on the Enterprise fixed itself (the broken window on the

studio remained broken so now Violet had to watch out for any oncoming tornadoes since I

heard there was a lot of them in Georgia). She pressed another button and the Enterprise

soared into the air and space and another huge (but tiny in comparison to the Enterprise)

spaceship flew by that was our own universe’s meager International Space Station so the

Enterprise had to carefully avoid it. Finally she pulled a huge lever and the speed dial increased

from our regular speeds of 0 kilometers per hour to like 1 billion and once it broke the speed of

light it started going to warp speeds which meant that we were back in time.

We decided to go to the year 1945 AG so very little warping had to be done so it was only like

warp speed 1.6. Finally the Enterprise appeared in the solar system again and Marrissa gave

me and Dick parachutes to descend to the Earth like that guy from Red Bull since she was not

risking other people seeing the Enterprise again. We thanked Marrissa and I thought that this

Marrissa was way cooler than the other Marrissa which Janet idols over and which is too busy

being Violet Beauregarde who is now, in this time, too busy to be a child.

We finally descended onto the familiar sight of the city of Portal High School and thus onto the

building. But what we didn’t know was that it wasn’t Portal High School and Business Lady

wasn’t around. Instead an old man with a beard like Merlin (not Merlin LeJoin though since oops

once I thought that Dick wasn’t around and instead this alien showed up. The old man freaked

out and shouted “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!”

It was…

TOBE CONTINUED

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 7: Road Trip to the Past

It was… ALBERT DUMBLYDORE! Albert was principal of The Skool in the past before Business

Lady came we learned that in Enchiridion Marrissa but to see him in person was quite surreal.

Of course by now we knew that history was unfolding before us but it seemed like there was

never too much of the past. I and Merlin thus descended from the roof of Portal High School and

went through the building.

The students were most likely something else that the author is thinking of right now that I didn’t

know about and thus we stepped out of a building with the giant label “SKOOL” and a banner

saying “Bonvenon al la Estonteco” which probably said something dumb in that language that

Skepness Man learned. We stepped out but then we stepped on a package “from Indian Poles

to McJuggerNugget for 100.0000 subscribers” which Dumblydore had no idea what to do with

and thus when we looked above the package were greeted with a much more colorful sight that

the city of Portal High School couldn’t even think of in just thirty-five years’ time.

Just then someone passed through us holding a handheld coffee mixer and buzzing it. I had to

push Merlin out of the way since she was a death and couldn’t quite hear. It reminded me of a

certain lawnmower and we realized it was… PSYCHO DAD AS A KID! Psycho Dad was like

“one day I will install peace in this world with this buzzing device and everyone will behave” and

we thus realized we didn’t know of the values of this period of time at all. Psycho Dad found the

package and declared “whoever this McJuggerNugget is he is sure misbehaving” but we didn’t

even hear that.

We thus walked around some more just to get used to this strange charm of a time period. We

figured out that a newspaper was the best solution since we needed to know when we appeared

and I took one from the trashbin immediately recognized the style of Capitolian Critic and the

headline that said “THIRD GOLDEN TICKET FOUND” with the subtitle “somewhere, it’s not

even like you care” and we realized this was the most recent newspaper since it hadn’t gotten

yellow or anything.

We thus saw that Violet Beauregarde was an actual child and therefore if we stepped up to her

we’d be creepy fucks since we’re like 20 and she’s like 10. Therefore going to Tbilisi, Georgia

where she lives was not an option and we decided to hang around the city of The Skool chatting

on our smartphones and writing fanfics and talking about how life is terrible and figuring out how

1945 AG was like.

The first thing though was that we were having trouble getting through all those sites from

CERN because that’s what I heard that the Internet began with. We wanted modern stuff like

Tumblr and this period of time was so backwards but we had to spend time in this period of time

since the future was pretty much fucked up big time to the point where Janet and Jack didn’t

even exist. Merlin though was more interested in getting Meanie Pixies and her gang back

together but we didn’t even know where Meanie Pixies was.

As we were hanging out in the city of Portal High School suddenly alarms began playing this

surely meant that the fourth ticket was found! Of course Dumblydore announced “yup, and the

lucky finder is Mike Teavee” and suddenly someone else from somewhere dumb like Australia

began speaking about how he loves video games and Psycho Dad decided to put an end to this

bratty kid then and there. So he went and we realized that the timeline was fucked up big time

since Psycho Dad will surely kill Mike or something and we had to stop him.

I called for Dick Stiller since he is the only guy who can robotically stop anything and he

appeared and threw his sunglasses and Psycho Dad stopped in his tracks. “You’d better learn

some cool tricks from video games before you dismiss them as bullshit” Dick said and Psycho

Dad had to listen because the sunglasses were spinning and were dangerously close to cutting

off his neck and thus preventing McJuggerNugget from existing and we couldn’t afford to have

another paradox since we already had one with Janet and Jack not existing and yes I’m not

going to stop mentioning how Janet and Jack didn’t exist since I had found true love in Jack and

true hate in Janet.

Scared almost to death Psycho Dad agreed to collaborate with us on the mission of restoring

the future so we sat down and told him our story. Unfortunately much of it involved Violet

Beauregarde and Psycho Dad said “you mean that kid? That means she’s important and we

should get to her house” and I thought that this way we will fuck up but Psycho Dad was one

insistent dude and pretty much dragged us the whole way. There were the same cities

everywhere except one city that for some reason was under construction since I read that some

cities are “planned” and built overnight and I was incredibly lucky to see such a city under

construction.

We arrived at Tbilisi, Georgia and there were cars everywhere since reporters from around the

world came to see Violet I read this in Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer. We stepped right

through the cars and the reporters to get to Violet ASAP since she needed to be informed of

stuff. Unfortunately it turned out that Marrissa Picard had messed with the time stream during

our trip and we actually made it after Violet had done her tour and become a giant blueberry and

have to be squeezed and remain blue for years after so we saw the blueberry form of Violet but

then we saw something else that shocked us thoroughly.

It was...

TO BE CONTINUED

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 8: A Better Diabolical Plan (!!!)

It was… BUSINESS LADY, MCJUGGERNUGGET AND ANOTHER DICK STILLER! We

realized that this is some sort of whacky crossover with Spectators of the Host but that of the

bad timeline. We also realized in this moment that McJuggerNugget is actually some sort of

alternate universe version of Janet Roberts and we wondered how much had to be fucked up

for the girl who was locked in her house to be replaced with the guy who was locked OUT of his

house.

The two Dicks swapped their sunglasses since there was nothing to be made of the timeline

anymore and they decided that they needed to get rid of it by creating as many paradoxes as

possible. Business Lady gave everyone a chewing gum and I began chewing gum and the taste

was that of shit so I immediately spit it out. Psycho Dad and McJuggerNugget began chasing

each other so they were far out of the scene and so we looked and saw that there were other

time traveling people that we forgot.

These were people like the original blueberry Violet and her mother and Charlie Bucket and

Willy Wanker around so they all needed to get back to their places so we all took Willy Wanker’s

glass elevator and I and my Dick (the other Dick forced me to say this) specifically asked to be

dropped to the far future Portal Labs since Psycho Dad couldn’t tell us shit and I had a plan to

rescue Marrissa Roberts from her misery.

In the future we looked around. There was Portal Labs the floating city and Marrissa and

Wheatly and Chell Junor and the original Chell and Ratman and Gabe Jonson and Caroline

were living happily as a big family. We asked to be brought here because we knew that

Marrissa’s family was the actual key so we spent some time in some sort of familial visit.

Caroline made us all a nice cup of tea which actually tasted good unlike that chewing gum or

that alcohol thing that I am supposed to be addicted to and we discussed everything. Since

news travels across time they knew that they were in a bad timeline and they agreed to fix stuff.

Therefore Gabe Jonson took what he learned from Portal High School and began building

another time machine since the delirious time car was destroyed remember and we literally

have no other time machine to use but the one that could be made in the Portal High School or

the Portal Labs you know since they’re both the same thing.

While Gabe was making the time machine we took a tour of Portal Labs. Since Marrissa and co.

were in charge there were no more deadly tests so the entire thing was a cakewalk. The

complex machinery was now used to produce energy and shoot at criminals since this was the

floating police after all. We loved this future but we knew that eventually it was going to lead to

bad things and besides this part didn’t need to be fixed, the part about us needed to be fixed. I

was careful not to descend and experience another culture since I had already seen several

new cultures throughout my journey and seriously I had already gotten sick of it.

I reminisced everything and even got to play some quality games onboard like Five Nights at

Freddy’s 4. I got thoroughly scared everytime an animatronic jumped and it was seriously a

good game you should play it now. Dick just laughed at me and we were reminded how casual

life is actually good rather than this running around stupid shit. I also got to play some of my

other favorite games and since we briefly hung out with McJuggerNugget he had also given us

some of his favorite games and we played and we couldn’t see the end of it.

But unfortunately there was the end as Gabe finally finished building the time machine and I

��;��;��/��/H<<@<: inline-block; height: 10000px">decided that Wheatly, Chell Junor and the original Chell should come. Marrissa also wanted to

come but we told her not to since confronting her future self will cause the continuum to break.

We made sure not to tell her what her future self was even though she asked and asked and

therefore we took off.

Things were literally dog shit for Violet. Ever since Marrissa Picard had visited her she couldn’t

believe that her namesake was more powerful and therefore when we arrived Beauregarde

Chewing Gum Industry was already in ruins and Violet was hanging out in the catacombs below

the company (kind of like how Wanker has Minusland in Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator,

Violet has the catacombs.) The fake Violet was also here and kept asking the real Violet to give

up her identity and everything was bad and Violet got shouted at by North Koreans who decided

to take on random names like Fegelein and Gunsche and Jodl.

Then we arrived and Violet stared at us in shock. Wheatly stepped to her and asked in his voice

“Marrissa! You have to remember me!” ��;��;��/��/H<<@<nk being

pulled on her by the Fegelein dude. She ran away to the top but Marrissa Picard shot another

laser and Violet went back down. Though most others were unfortunately killed and therefore

only the relevant people remained.

Violet still couldn’t believe her chewing gum empire was destroyed but then she saw Chell who

asked her “Don’t you remember when you shot me with a Magnum pistol since I was retarded

and all?” and this hit Violet right in the heart. We wondered what was happening to her and she

underwent a breakdown and suddenly she no longer had the stupid purple dress instead she

was dressed like a Portal Labs test subject and had beautiful long black hair and quite a bosom.

We had finally succeeded in revealing… MARRISSA ROBERTS!

The power of love beamed back to the Enterprise which shattered in pieces but we didn’t care

since we were going to rescue this timeline and soon.

��;��;��/��/H<<@<="height: 20px; direction: ltr; text-align: left;">

TO BE CONTINUED

MARRISSAVERSE STORIES 2015

Chapter 9: Restoring The Lawful Order

We stepped from the catacombs to the ruins of Beauregarde Chewing Gum Industry ready to

face the world since we weren’t scared of Marrissa Picard no more. We found her trying to

shoot her lasers at random places but she kept shooting herself and falling back. Marrissa

Roberts thus punched her and knocked her out and we quickly dragged her to the time machine

and I remembered that the going to Welcome to Night Vale was what fucked up everything so I

punched numbers and we got back to that wretched shithole of a city.

Cecil of course was glad to comment on more stupid things and Avril had been signing

autographs even a good month after the concert. We then asked Cecil to briefly open the dog

park so we could throw Marrissa Picard in. Cecil refused to since no one was allowed in the dog

park but then Marrissa Roberts who still wasn’t too old decided to use her special powers. Of

course the special powers don’t work quite that well around the dog park but Marrissa Roberts

was able to teleport Marrissa Picard directly above the dog park and we saw as Marrissa Picard

fell to her death and was crushed by a poem by one of the former mayors and each letter took

turns taking her laser gun and shooting at her and so Marrissa Picard died.

We thanked Marrissa Roberts for granting us all of her awesome adventures of ITS MY LIFE!

and THE MARRISSA GAMES and bid her farewell and were ready to go back to the time

machine but then we were confronted by someone… THE TIME POLICE! If you don’t

remember The Time Police is Aranna Sorket, Cranky Vasquez and Flashlight Girl and they

protect time and stuff. They were once again filing tickets for unauthorized time travel and they

explained that during our trip to Night Vale they had to fix the most recent fuckup of a time travel

and it was quite difficult since acquiring Skepness Man’s technology was no longer an option

and I saw that because they weren’t in the rusty BMW instead they were in the ruins of the

delirious time car after McJuggerNugget’s dad crushed it and we thought that it was no longer

salvageable but it appears not.

But then… THE LETTERS WALKED FROM THE DOG PARK AND TRIED TO SHOOT US!

Joey Claire flashed the flashlight but the letter A shot the flashlight and it broke thus leaving

behind a sun but a very small one so now Night Vale was forever coated in day. Since neither

Aranna nor Cranky had any weapons with them it was up to us to save the day so Dick threw

his sunglasses and they successfully reflected another laser beam and it shot all the letters so

they crumbled to ash and died much like the District 10 guy in Spectators of the Host. We

high-fived each other for the victory and Joey was so amazed that she asked us to join The

Time Police but then we refused since we said that we have families. We took the offer, though,

to accept it at a later time in case life in AG 1985 becomes any more boring and/or the timeline

goes to dogshit again.

I then aimed the laser gun and shot it at our original time machine and it was destroyed.

Thinking that eventually every time machine has to be destroyed I leaned sadly and placed

some flowers from my cat’s funeral which I had taken from even before I left my family with Avril

and Gerard Way (by the way I heard that after divorce Gerard Way married a woman named

Valentina Tereshkova she is awesome and she goes to space.) Cecil then took the flowers

assuming they were for himself and left and we all sat in the delirious time car and asked to

deliver (geddit) us to AG 1985.

As we travelled we read Enchiridion Marrissa and Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse

History and thus learned that everything was un-fucked up. Janet Roberts and Jack London had

come back to existence but we kind of felt sad for McJuggerNugget not being a friend of ours so

Aranna made a stop at some universe that was completely unrelated to ours and therefore not

likely to cause any fuckup. We actually learned that McJuggerNugget’s name was actually plural

“McJuggerNuggets” and so we took him and his girlfriend Juliette to hang out with us.

We finally arrived at AG 1985 and I met Janet and I hugged her since no matter how hard I hate

her I still love her. The other characters which were un-fucked up like Loreta Alcorn and

Skepness Man and Chell Junor and their kids and even Elizabeth Comcast who wasn’t under a

mission to be eliminated came and we all had a big group hug.

I thus sat down in my room playing some Minecraft together with McJuggerNugget. After all it

was not the events to be remembered from this crazy trip through spacetime but the friends

made and even though we had met him in unfortunate consequences we were sure to raise him

good and let him and Juliette stay with us and we didn’t care what Psycho Dad might say about

this whole “being responsible thing” since the friendship was simply too strong. Then everyone

left and we were happy.

Robot and Roslalonde and Skepness Man Lettuce hung out in the dark alleys of the time

stream. Since they were in the time stream their unexistence was not prevented so they were

still around and plotting revenge. They didn’t know how to precisely plot revenge since all of

their plots so far were foiled by The Time Police. Someone seemed to be particularly intent

about keeping the Marrissaverse this way and no other and therefore it was bad news for

everyone.

Robot and Roslalonde thus began drawing on a blackboard. “Apparently The Time Police only

protects all the events that are not part of the MarissaTheWriter stories so we should attack

something like ITS MY LIFE!”. Skepness Man though being a chronomad and all quickly

realized the danger and said “No ITS MY LIFE! is too far in the future and Marrissa Roberts has

so much to learn and if we go there we could potentially fuck up everything. I instead suggest

TEEN FORTRESS 2 since there Business Man will be able to help us ruin the timeline once and

for all” and Robot and Roslalonde reminded him “but be careful since Business Man is already

Business Lady and very likely she won’t recognize you as a son since you’re so much different.”

“That’s no worry since I have my disguise kit so I can pretend to be a brony and stuff and

infiltrate everything without being caught” he said. It was actual truth since after The Time Police

came around no chronomad could escape their justice except Skepness Man in the past before

he became a Beauregarde or a Lettuce since his existence immediately preceded The Time

Police’s existence. Skepness Man thus prepped and Robot and Roslalonde continued drawing

on the whiteboard and while dressing he followed. Roslalonde got attracted by the man getting

undressed but then Robot stared at her and they instead were caught in lovey dovey and they

forever left their plan unfinished.

Therefore, Skepness Man had to fill in the rest of the holes himself. He finally drew the ultimate

plan to replace the Marrissaverse with something much much better and he knew exactly how

to do it. Therefore he jumped from the time stream and Robot and Roslalonde quickly got out

from their lovey-dovey and followed him into… HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!

THE END